Dirty Water

So this isn't a dollhouse post. Fair warning those of you who think of this as a fun blog. 

And the reason for the post title is about to become apparent. Mahatma Gandhi said:

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

He was right.  Absolutely.  And remembering that from day to day is one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I try not to listen to the news, and I avoid talk radio except for a few shows.  Everything is overwhelmingly negative.

And I feel like I'm surrounded by dirty water.  I know that I'm not but what I know and how I feel are two entirely different things.

It's a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold and I'm furious with the world.  For many unreasonable reasons like forgetting my wedding rings because I didn't want to snag my tights, to the Bill Cosby rape scandals, to the events in Ferguson last night.

And then I read this blog post by the incomparable Bloggess.  http://thebloggess.com/2014/11/compassion-is-painful-thats-how-you-know-its-working/ Go ahead and read it now. I'll wait. Because she's a lot classier than I am.  And she's also completely right.

I seem to have lost most of my own words today.  And maybe that's a good thing because Mom always said if you can't say something nice don't say anything.  I tend to forget that when I get on a roll of sarcastic complaints and jibes at the various things that annoy me.

And then someone like Jenny blogs and I remember that there are people in the world who have much tougher life than me and while I might complain, good humoredly but still complaining, there are folks who have a lot more to complain about and they're going about their business.  So let's all take a deep breath and remember what we're thankful for.

I've got a great husband who loves me in spite of my miniature/writing/reading/shopping addictions, or maybe because of them (who knows why but he does and that's the point).  I've got five cats now and they're all getting along reasonably well even if the kitten is a needy little attention sponge. (I think that's a default setting for kittens so yeah that one's my own fault for rescuing him.) I've got a job that shows no signs of firing me even when I zone out becasue I'm ill and want to do nothing but sleep.  And it pays me very decently so I can afford the aforementioned addictions.

I've also got people around me.  And they're pretty damn cool.  So yeah, I think I'll count my blessings and put a check in the win column for today.  Because I made it out of bed this morning after a lousy night and nothing bad happened on the way to work.  I've got half an hour to trowel on my make up so I don't scare my coworkers and I'm awake enough to write when I haven't had caffiene yet.  (Okay, true miracle folks!)

We've all got problems.  But a lot of times we're our own problem. Bright side is we're usually our own solution.  And if we look hard enough there are people out there who are happy to offer a hand, a smile or even a story that will make you laugh and cry at the same time.  No man is an island after all, even if it feels like it. 

Because Gandhi said this too:

"Before the throne of the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts.... The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." 

So maybe the trick is to deal with my own problems and trust that somehow other people will deal with theirs.  And forgive myself when I get so wound up that I end up writing posts like these. 

And because they always cheer me up, here's a cat picture. Okay a few...including the new kitten who is...totes adorable!  BTW he's been christened Cap'n Jack Sparrow because he walks just like the character.  You know...like he knows why the rum is gone.

Watcha doin'?

There's a joke here about letting the cat out of the bag, but Tali's too young to understand.  And Helo just likes the camera.

Yeah we're on your bed, taking over your blankets.  What are you gonna do about it?  We're adorable and we won't be moved.

Hi! We were sleeping when Mommy took this picture... Can we go back to sleep?

I love my sissies.  They're the awesomest!

 On that cheerful note, I'm going to put on my face, for the sake of my poor coworkers who deserve a lot better than my bitch face this morning. 

And one last quote for the road.  Same guy.

"Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart."

Engaging the Superior Colliculus

So there are times when the writing doesn't go well.  Remember me talking about those intimidating blank pages?  Yeah...they're the worst.  Especially when all of the sudden you feel like there's nothing to say.  And then there's that annoying little voice that starts talking in the back of your brain...telling you that why would anyone want to listen to you?  What makes you think you have anything interesting to talk about?  That voice is reallllly irritating, especially when that blank page isn't filling itself up and there are distractions all around.

I don't write well with audible distractions.  Dialogue, music with lyrics, conversation...let's just say I don't multi-task well.  So writing with the TV on?  That's out.  Writing while listening to any music with words to it?  Soo very out.  Writing while talking to someone else?  Well unless you want a transcript of the conversation...really not happening.  Maybe it's because I was always interested in theatre and music, words are what really draw me.  Words have a power that a lot of people disregard.  And words that are spoken...  Well a good speech can engage a nation, incite a riot, or inspire genius.

Don't believe me?  Read the Declaration of Independence out loud.  Read Thomas Paine's Common Sense to someone and see how they react.  Heck, read the Gettysburg Address.  Try reading something like The Charge of the Light Brigade or Invictus... poetry especially was mean to be read aloud.  Even this, reading this blog... try it out loud.  See how it sounds in your ears.  Words are meant to be heard.  Given a choice I'd rather be blind than deaf.

So when I'm confronted with a blank page and what seems like endless distractions, my best bet is to go away from it for a while.  I try to do something else.  Sometimes reading will help, getting my brain on the right track for when the distractions go away or at least get the volume turned down.  Of course, if I just get plain old stuck reading doesn't always do it.

There's really nothing worse than knowing you have something to say, and being unable to say it.  The words don't come, or they come out so badly that you can write pages of garbage and still know it's completely wrong.  To call it frustrating is mild, but sometimes after the pages of garbage  my brain finally gets going and the words just flow.  That is soooo gratifying.

Other times...yeah, the other times are...well it's best to go away from the laptop before I do something really stupid like throw it, or try to erase every document on the hard drive.  So I take a lesson from the great Doctor Sheldon Cooper, and I attempt to engage my superior colliculus.

For folks who've never seen The Big Bang Theory I'll explain.  When Sheldon gets stuck on a problem he does something mind numbing, like manual labor, in order to distract himself and get his brain working on the problem without his conscious knowledge.  Sheldon decided to go and volunteer at a restaurant, waiting tables in order to get his superior colliculus working.  Since I really don't ever want to work (or volunteer) in food service ever again, I clean my house.

So...my bathroom is sparkling, the husband's bathroom is sparkling, and all but two rooms are dusted and vacuumed.  The result of this is more than a few aches and pains that make me grateful for my day off tomorrow.  But I now have a clean house and I can finally write.   

And on the dollhouse front, I'm figuring out how to build a case for the house.  What I need to do is have the house enclosed to protect it, but removable so I can actually build it.  Does that make sense?  I'm still working on it obviously.  One of the women at work gave me the idea of building a wooden frame and then gluing Plexiglas into the frame, then covering it with wooden trim.  That way at least I wouldn't have to try and drill the Plexiglas, which was my biggest worry.  Wood I have no problem with.   

I'll keep working on it.  But if I can build shelves for the cats and install ceiling fans, I'm pretty sure I can do this.  Heck, I've even got a drill/screwdriver.  No saws yet, but the hardware store can do the cutting for me.  

I'm open to suggestions.