No, I'm Not Pregnant, I'm Fat.

According to a few doctors on the internet I’m obese.  This is not a word I generally associate with myself.  I know I’m overweight.  My clothes size tells me that pretty damn regularly.  At my best, healthiest, felt like I could take on the word weight, I was a size twelve.  For someone five foot seven that was not a bad size and not a bad weight.  Sure, I weighed more than my sister who’s five nine, but we have different body types and different metabolisms and most importantly, different personalities.

See, I’m the woman who doesn’t mind hiking or biking, when I’m in shape and it won’t hurt me afterwards.  I like gardening and cooking and doing things for my house, shelves for the cats, dollhouses, repairing or upgrading electrical fixtures.  I’ve never been into sports. (It took moving to Texas and a husband who loves the Angels and Cowboys to even interest me in football or baseball.) I can’t stand basketball. I’ve been to two hockey games in my life, and I’ve never played sports unless forced to do so in gym class.  That’s what we born in the seventies kids call phys ed.  At least where I grew up.

I love reading. I love writing, sewing, and all things crafty and creative.  I love watching my husband playing video games and pointing towards treasure or that one of his characters is low on health.  None of the things I really like require me to do a lot of physical labor.  Which is fine.  Except I’m not in my twenties anymore and it’s hard for me to bounce back, weight wise, when I start to gain a few pounds.

Over the years I’ve gained weight when I was in a bad marriage and desperately unhappy.  I lost it again when I decided that a diet was a good idea, boosted by some OTC pills that helped me develop a healthier eating style by controlling my appetite so I wasn’t starving and sabotaging myself.  I gained it back during a crazy time in my life when we moved and I got a new job and had no time for exercise.  I lost it again by going on South Beach and really sticking to it.  And over the last ten years I’ve slowly gained it back.  The doctor’s scale, evil truthful thing that it is, tells me I weigh two hundred twenty three pounds.  This is fully dressed with my shoes on so I can maybe take three pounds away.  But I’m back to my heaviest weight again.  I’m in my forties and it’s not coming off so easily this time.

 
It’s depressing.  Feeding the depression is the expenses the go along with the weight gain.  Clothes that fit, but make me look pregnant. (Hence the title of this blog.)  Medications to control the side effects of the weight like bad (really bad) cholesterol levels.  The constant worry that my blood sugar will get so screwed up I’ll be the first person in my family to be diabetic that isn’t related by marriage. 

I can take steps to work on the weight and accompanying problems that go along with it.  And objectively I know that a lot of things contributed to my weight gain.  A job that was so stressful and so far away that I spent more than two hours in the car per day and at the end of a ten year stint I was using most of my vacation time for doctor’s appointments than to relax.  A boss that was so passive aggressive and just unkind in her treatment of only me that I’m still on anti-anxiety medication and still don’t get a full night’s sleep.  There’s nothing more aggravating than knowing you’re sabotaging yourself and you can’t stop doing it. 

Nothing I tried worked to solve those problems.  My schedule was so erratic that public transportation was nearly impossible.  Some members of HR could see the issue clear as day.  The HR manager could not.  And the last ditch effort of requesting mediation and a formal complaint came to nothing but the HR manager and my own boss ganging up on me and saying that it’s all a misunderstanding and misinterpretation on my part. 

One of the biggest steps, and something my doctor has been saying for two years now, is reducing stress and changing jobs.  Which I’m happy to say I’ve done.  It means starting over in a lot of ways.  It’s a lower wage, fewer benefits and a smaller company.  But its five minutes away from my house.  It has a small open office of friendly, kind people.  And when I take out all the expenses working at the old place would pile on me, the wages are a lot more doable.  In a year I’ll get a week of vacation.  We’re working on a 401K and improving the procedures.  And I get to talk to people in the office again, about work and anything else, without feeling like someone’s going to come and verbally/emotionally smack me around for doing so.

It took a while to get here.  I’m not even officially employed by my company yet.  After some time off to deal with the medical issues and realizing that there was no way I could go back to the old job and remain sane, forget about healthy, I told them I could not come back.  Putting my resume online got a couple of recruiters calling me, and after a few false starts, a contract job.  The contract job is leading to permanent employment and the great office I get to come and work at every day.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s still work.  I would not do this for free.  But for the first time in ten years I haven’t had to fill up my car with gas twice a week.  I can brown bag it for lunch because I don’t need to escape.  I can ask questions and not be ridiculed for not knowing the answer.  We refinanced the house, paid off the 401K loan and had extra left for a credit card payment.  That puts my wage into an area that really is almost the same as my previous take home pay.  And I can breathe. 

I’m also told how cute I look in my dresses and that feels good.  So it stings when a ten year old at the nail salon asks when my baby will be born and I have to tell her that I’m not pregnant, I’m fat.  But it stings a little less.  I’m forty four years old this past May and I don’t like the weight I’m at.  But I’m learning to give myself a break and take the small steps I can.  Cutting down on alcohol, no mayo or ketchup, avoiding extraneous carbs and trying to be more physical with my daily routine.  It took me ten years to get to this weight. It’s not going to go away overnight.

Maybe I’ll never get back to my size twelve again.  But at forty four, a fourteen isn’t so bad.  At forty four, the excessive weight isn’t healthy, but it’s only ninety pounds.  That doesn’t even qualify me for weight loss surgery. 

So no, I’m not pregnant.  Yes, I am fat.  But ten years of stress doesn’t go away in two months.  And neither does ten years of weight gain.  But in spite of those two facts, I feel happier and healthier than I have in a decade.  My husband (dear delusional man) still thinks I’m beautiful.  My parents are excited for the new opportunities I’ll have.   And I’m finally writing again.

No, life’s not perfect.  But I’ll take it.

Clean Slate

So... yeah.  I start out like that a lot.  In my defense I tend to do that in real life too, not just on the blog.  But people in real life, they, you know, respond.  Not so much on the blog.  Yeah, I'm an idiot.  I'm self aware so its okay.

But, clean slate.  Which implies a do over, a new start or blank canvas. 

I've mentioned the Creatin' Contest.  http://www.miniatures.com/Webpage.aspx?WebpageId=6

Oh, if you want to see how badly outclassed I may be, check out the 21st Annual Creatin' Contest winners.  They're freakin' amazing!

http://www.miniatures.com/CategoryIntroWebpage.aspx?WebpageId= 1919

But before I could do anything I needed to have a space to work.  Hence the blog title.

I talked my husband into moving a few things around, and he, (thank God!) was willing to enable my addiction once again.

And now I have a work space.

Look! OMG its a (mostly) clean table!

 But where did the Gothic Victorian go you might ask.  (Please tell me someone asked or else this next part is totally unnecessary.)

Oh, it went over here...where the recumbent bike used to be.

Tali seems pleased...not as high but still, higher than the table.

I anticipate a lot of jumping from the corner climbing tree to the top of the dollhouse case.  But that's okay.  It should be a little more stable on the floor rather than the table, less shaking. I hope.

I still have things to do on the Bungalow, but I'm actually getting a bit revved up for the new project.  most of which I probably won't be able to show you until after its sent to the contest.  But I'll try bits and pieces and I want to have some room on the table for other projects too.  We'll see how that goes.

Have a great weekend folks.  I'm going to sit for a bit and enjoy some alcoholic beverages with my husband. 

Christmast Box/House

So I have a couple of friends who aren't as insane about miniatures as I am but they are, shall we say, enablers.  By which I mean they encourage and say 'No that isn't strange at all' when I talk about turning waterbottle caps into quarter scale ottomans.  Or when I near the end of one project and bid on no less than three different dollhouse kits.

I won two of them.  What was I thinking? 

Or when I see the Creatin' Contest and decide I want to enter that this year.

http://www.miniatures.com/Creatin-Contest-W1826.aspx

Yeah. They and my husband...supportive, encouraging, wonderful enablers.

My husband sees the dollhouses all the time.  He's patient and always warns me when it looks like a cat is about to become the building inspector and when I'm eyeing the 'building' room (otherwise known as the dining room) speculatively for more space for my miniature projects he doesn't comment on the five cats, small house, madness that I've wrought.

Seriously, he really is patient.  And he's always amazed at the detail and what a miniaturist can do with time and imagination.

The ladies at work though, Linda and Rita respectively, don't really get to see much of my hobby (obsession?) unless its through this blog or on my phone.  So I wanted to do something special for Christmas for them.

For Rita, I found a little birdhouse.  I got the idea from Otterine's blog, (she nuked a contest piece to take it apart.) And so I put it in the microwave, which warmed up the glue, and I pulled the pieces apart.  Sadly I did not take pictures because my brain was completely immersed in the project and not in my blog. 

But I made a little chair, and ottoman, and a little bed. Painted the outside and shingled the roof.  I put up wallpaper, laid floors and put up trim, all carefully varnished and shiny.  And a little cardinal with a TV and a Christmas tree in the corner with a few presents.  It was very cute.

But for Linda's my blogger's brain kicked in and even if I couldn't blog about it until after I gave her the gift, I remembered to take pictures.

Instead of a birdhouse I started with a fancy box.  It was Christmas themed with a snowman on the front. Which was fortuitous as Linda loves snowmen and has some that stay out year round.

Back of the box

Front of the box.

You can see in the picture above how I added hinges to add some steadiness to the glued together edges.

You see, I cut the corners to make the box open and close like a door, glued the two edges together and stablized the whole shebang with hinges.  The hinges are pretty cool, got them from JoAnn's when their paper craft stuff was on sale.

They'd stand out more on a plain box but hey, no one is perfect.

And then I had to decide on the colors inside the box. I wanted them to be elegant but still Christmasy.  So I decided on these two for wallpapers.

The scrollwork is for the parlor and the diamonds are for the bedroom.

And of course we had to have a plaster ceiling.  But I wanted brick for the main floor. 

It's a bit garish with the walls at the moment but it pops out nicely later on.

And for the loft area I decided on a wooden floor.

This is the same flooring I used in Rita's birdhouse.

And in order to keep the lower floor from looking too red I decided that it needed paneling on the walls.

Not polished/varnished yet.  And obviously, not on the walls.

I didn't have convenient cutouts for windows so in order to get some light inside the house I stuck mirrors one of the 'walls'.

I made a little door out of some spare pine flooring I had.  After all, we have to be able to get into the house right? The door knob is a bead with a pin through it and bent to hold the knob in place.



So far so good right?

 And now we've got some of the wallpaper up.

The trim will help finish off the whole effect.

Second floor wallpaper and the 'window'

Don't mind that blank spot on the first floor. There's a reason for that.

Personally I love the look of a two story fireplace/chimney even if high ceilings make heating bills a nightmare.  And I wanted to try out a quick bricking technique I read about on Otterine's blog.  http://www.otterine.com/blog/blog1.php/cutting-egg-carton-bricks-plus

So...I made a fireplace.

In its raw, cardboar with brick paper inside, state.

Then I added the egg carton bricks and a mantel.

Much more like a fireplace right?

And then we add paint. 

And a base to the fireplace...what's that called? Hearth? Yeah let's go with hearth.



And of course, every fireplace needs a chimney.  Cardboard was my friend on this build. Everything is cardboard based unless its really thin wood. Swear to God.

Not too bad.

And here we have it...glued to the fireplace.



Not too bad I think.

Then came adding trim.  Around the windows and door.  Then around the walls.  And a few thicker pieces on the two side walls in order to support the loft.

I really wanted to make the windows look more real, and hold them to the wall better.

Here I added the loft.  That's always interesting because cardboard boxes curve slightly.  I had to make it uncurve or at least so the curve didn't show as cracks around the second floor walls.

I ended up gluing like crazy and useing nail polish bottles to hold everything in place.

Oh, and my pride and joy of the house was the light.  It's a battery light on a magnet stuck to the ceiling. So Linda can take it out, turn it on, and stick it back up there. It's not totally to scale but Linda's a forgiving sort.

And it'll give enough light for the lower floor too.

Once I got all the trim up and everything varnished it was time to do some of the fun stuff.

Furniture!  And of course...

A tree.

A small tree from Houseworks and acrylic beads stuck into the branches with Sticky Tacky glue.

The cats decided it should be a playtoy and I had to make a few repairs...but it still turned out well.

Then I started on the furniture for the ground floor.  A loveseat.  In a nice neutral tan/taupe corduroy.  I got the idea from http://1inchminisbykris.blogspot.com/

This is my second try, the first was too large.

An ottoman.  I put pins in the side folds to hold them tightly but I don't have a close up picture to show them.

Fake leathery goodness.

Christmas Decor.  After all, what's a fireplace if Santa isn't going to come down it to fill the stockings?

Teeny tiny stockings!

And a wreath!  With long ribbons so they can hang down the bricks of the chimney.

I couldn't help myself. It needed the rose.

And then I started on the upstairs.

There's got to be a bed.  And since Linda is crafty and sews really well, her house needs a sewing machine.

I wanted something neutral to counteract the nearly pink walls.

And then of course I couldn't just leave the bed plain like that.  This is an homage to my grandmothers house where she had the windows onto the porch behind her bed.  The curtain rod is a Q-tip stripped of cotton with wooden beads on the ends.

I deliberately used the selvage for the bottom so the curtains had fringe. Love!

I had a few other little things to add.  Just...finishing touches.

Things for the mantel...

Taken before I fixed the little elves totally in place.

Some pictures for the walls...

A really good shot of the paneling and floor too.

 

And a little table with a bowl of shells. Since Linda helped me go through a bag of shells I'd bought for good miniature ones.  And some throw pillows for the love seat. Very important right?

I made the little table myself out of woodsies.  Painted with nailpolish for a nice gleam. Christmasy!

The sewing machine upstairs...
And some frou frou pillows.

You can still see the glue I used to stick it down.  And you can barely see the bed 'feet'.





 



Here's a good shot where you can see the wreath on the chimney with the ribbons hanging down.

Another bent pin to make it go into the cardboard and stay.

And a nice shot of the complete downstairs with a snowman for Linda.

Something is missing though... Hmm...

The inhabitents!

With a little present behind him!

And then upstairs...the lovely wife is wrapping gifts of her own.

She's a pretty thing isn't she?

Delicacies

Hey this post is mostly pictures.  I bought a few things for the Gothic Victorian dollhouse and I thought I'd show them off.

Remember the servants quarters with the near Oliver Twist-ian beds?  Well they've been...improved. Most definitely.  At least the maids will be able to sleep now.  That's something right?

I got these from Minibeddingshop on Etsy, https://www.etsy.com/shop/minibeddingshop?ref=l2-shopheader-name and I may have to go back for more.


See? Cute little matresses. I love these.

They fit perfectly on the brass beds.

I like these mattresses better than the one I sleep on. Why is that?



Both beds... And one of these days the maid's outfit will be period appropriate. Bare legs and ankles! Oh the scandal!

The blankets they had were kinda flimsy.  The Reformists would have kittens.  So I got the maids some quilts.  Not matching of course...I mean really they're only servants.  Pish tosh, any old thing will do.

The first came from MiniBargains on Etsy.  https://www.etsy.com/shop/MiniBargains?ref=l2-shopheader-name

This one is more of a crazy quilt. 

And here's the other one. Not as crazy colored but still attractive and warm enough that they'll be happier in the winter.

This one I got off of Ebay and cannot remember the sellers name for the life of me.

Pretty nice huh?  I need to make them a rag rug or something... that bare floor looks chilly.

And I couldn't invest all that money into the servants quarters without buying Mrs. Doll a little something right?  Unfortunately Mrs. Doll's hair gets in the way so someone else will be modeling for us.

These come from Just For You Miniatures on Etsy, https://www.etsy.com/shop/JustForYouMiniatures?ref=l2-shopheader-name I think I've favorited everything in her shop. Gorgeous., absolutely, mind bogglingly, gorgeous.

Isn't it pretty? I love that its wearable. 

I'm pretty good at tiny sewing but this is beyond me... so delicate!

The ruffle around the face! OMG gorgeous.

Of course that was a spring bonnet.  It's cold where I am and we can't have Mrs. Doll getting chilled.

Fabulous Harry I love the feathers!

And the tiny little flower details.

And the fur lining and trim!  Have I mentioned I love the feathers?

Oh, and lest Mrs. Doll's hands get cold, it comes with something else.

Pretty!

I'll scatter them around the Gothic Victorian when I'm not trying to play dress up.

Really, her ribbons are on the floor. She needs to take better care of her things.

The flash washes out the pale green but it looks so pretty in person.

And that's all I've got for today folks.  Hoping to have an update on the Bungalow soon.  And another project for the future! Yay me.  See you next time.

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